How was I not a child model?

This is me.

5 years-old for my grade Primary school photo at Chebucto Heights Elementary School in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

There are a few things I have to point out about this photo because there are just too many awesome things for you to absorb all at once.

First of all, I dressed myself for picture day. I dressed myself EVERY DAY. I have no memory of my parents telling me what to wear. I wore mismatched socks and often, two different shoes to school because I liked the idea that when I looked down, what I saw was different. I did this until I realized it was probably a bit weird. So, until some time in my 20’s I guess.

Secondly, my mom cut my hair. I know, it’s hard to tell. You probably thought I went to the Vidal Sassoon salon before photo day. Nope. This is a mama Chen specialty. In fact, it appears as though she cut my bangs AROUND my eye so that I could see. Mama Chen is a smart lady.

The doily and horrific fur collar around my neck are ATTACHED to the dress. That’s right. No skimping on fancy back in those days.

I made sure I wore my best necklace. It’s Cookie Monster eating a cookie in a hammock. I would put it in my mouth all the time hoping it tasted like cookies. It just tasted like lead poisoning.

I had really bad teeth that pointed in random directions so my mother always instructed me to smile with my mouth closed (don’t hate her for this, she had to pay for these photos.) I remember the photographer insisting I smile, forcing me to open my mouth. This is as good as it was going to get.

I liked the hat because of the way it clearly accentuates my ear.

Mama Chen didn’t know that photo re-take day existed. So, this is me.